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A time when you didn’t need a license to be a bad-ass. A time when Christian Slater drove a Mustang and not a Prius. A time when Mickey Rourke had regular employment. Life was good.
To celebrate the immeasurable ‘rad-ness’ of the late 80’s I am reviewing a lesser known cult film painfully called “Angel Heart”. Don’t, however, let the name lull you into a false sense of gayness. No, what we have here is a 1950’s film noir detective story delving into the occult world of Louisiana’s Voodoo rites with a good dose of suspense and just a whisper of mind-fuck.
Our main stars, Mickey Rourke and Robert De Niro, were already household names at this point, but Lisa Bonet makes her first silver screen appearance - having taken a break from the masterpiece that was ‘The Cosby Show’ - in role that would later be blamed for her leaving the sitcom. But don’t let the presence of a ‘family-oriented icon’ fill you with doubts. This movie was originally given an X rating, which was later dropped to an R rating after “several seconds of the extended, graphic and blood-drenched sex scene with Rourke” was cut.
The story follows Harry Angel (Rourke), a private detective hired by some Jew lawyer to search for information regarding a missing person. Louis Cyphre (De Niro) is the man behind the lawyer, and while he answers Harry’s questions as to the who and why, his answers are vague and his motives never really made clear. You can do a lot of guessing at this point in the movie, but I think you’ll still be surprised at the ending. Anyway, Rourke sets off to find out what he can about this mysterious man that’s been both dead and alive for the last 12 years.
The acting is great, and – surprising for the content of the movie – believable. It’s a testament to De Niro’s acting abilities that he can make eating an egg look both menacing and intimidating. The man is a genius – except when it comes to choosing between working with Ben Stiller or not working with Ben Stiller. You fucked up there, Bobby. You fucked up big.
Believe it or not, this film is also very educational. I garnered a whole wealth of knowledge from just having watched it once. For example, I learned that apparently it wasn’t ideal to be a coloured person in the 1950’s. Who knew? I also learned that everyone in the southern states practices (the aptly named) black magic, and that you can have a ridiculous name – such as Toots Sweet, Johnny Favourites or Dicky Wells – so long as you’ve played in a jazz band.
The costumes are well designed and typical of the era, though for some reason Rourke takes to wearing this big plastic nose guard half the movie that makes him look like an ugly Muppet on steroids. It’s not even essential to the plot; it’s purely there to be ridiculous. Also it was considered the norm in the 50’s to don a fedora without having to own a macbook and drink fagaccinos at some ‘underground’ coffee shop at eleven in the fucking morning, you hipster cunts. These guys were wearing it before it was ‘vintage’. Who’s the square now, dipshits? You with your Holgas and your Polaroids. I hope you choke on that pretentious vegan burger. I hate you. I hate you so much.
Off that tangent now...
This film also has one of the best/most fucked up sex scenes I have ever come across in my career as a professional movie watching guy. Let’s just say that when Mickey Rourke fucks no one survives. There is considerable collateral damage. It’s, well, interesting. Like a nature documentary directed by a drunk Quentin Tarantino.
Whoever wrote this script must have been a pretty unhinged individual. The murders in the movie have a... unique... approach. For example, I was quite delighted when I heard a cop answer the question “how did he die?” with the answer “Technically? He asphyxiated on his own genitalia. Un-technically? Somebody cut his dick off, stuffed it in his mouth and choked him to death.”
That’s some pretty brutal shit, and personal. The other mentionable murder is... how do I put this delicately? Someone made love to a woman. With a pistol. Several times.
At the end of the day what we are left with is a great movie, with an original concept and a gripping story. It’s gloomy, and dark in every sense of the word. There’s suspense, there’s sex and tits and plenty of violence. There’s something for the whole family! Except the kids. Or the wife. Or your parents. Or most of your friends. But definitely you, you sick bastard. This shit’s right up your alley.
If you enjoyed Se7en, American Psycho or The Ninth Gate then you’ll be sure to love this one.
I give it four and a quarter paparazzi beat-downs out of five.
