Copland: Stallone's to do list - get fat, wear brown, shoot people.
Demolition man: Brave New World – with explosions.
Forrest Gump: Stupid haircuts, loveable 'tards and magic legs.
The Pest: 84 minutes of wishing John Leguizamo would get shot.
Hard Target: Van Damme has a rad mullet and Lance Henriksen dies. Watch if you like slow-mo round house kicks.
Scarface: Get a facial scar eating pussy. Do coke, shoot people, yell lots.
My Cousin Vinny: Joe Pesci thinks he’s cool, Ralph Macchio’s a dick and Marisa Tomei gives me secret shame boners.
Cliffhanger: John Lithgow is the bad guy.
Tomb Raider: Rent it hoping to see a boob. Jorah Mormont is an Illuminati and HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS RIMMER DOING HERE?
Next Friday: Ice Cube in the time somewhere between ‘Boyz n the Hood’ and ‘Are We There Yet?’. Them 10s, but they nice 10s.
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