Inglourious Basterds

Hans, Brad Pitler and the Bear-Jew.

First off, I must admit to something. I love Tarantino. I think the man is a genius. I’d man-fuck the shit
out of him... badly. I’ve loved his work since True Romance, through reservoir dogs to pulp fiction and even death proof. I get hot for Tarantino, lets leave it at that.

As everyone knows, the only way to fully enjoy this film is in a gold class cinema, that's exactly what I did, except it wasn't gold class, because I'm poor. Now, A great movie going experience needs a great atmosphere, so I took along 3 friends with a combined maturity age of twelve. Always a solid maneuver... At least one of them bought some sour coke bottles.

Let us start with the subject of this movie: Nazis. Who doesn’t love a good Nazi film? The only thing better are Nazi zombies, who are also robot pirates... who fight ninja shark-bears... in space. This movie is how World War 2 should have been. It takes every history book and snaps off a huge shit in it and slams that motherfucker closed. Now you’ve got shit everywhere… everywhere, that is, except the script. Now, to be fair and balanced, this movie does have some faults:

1. You don’t see enough tits.
2. Mike Myers.
3. You don’t see enough hot chicks in Nazi uniforms.

This movie is funny, clever, witty, action packed…. Jesus Christ himself couldn’t do anything near as good as this shit. Jesus can eat a dick, Tarantino’s dick. Now, I'm avoiding talking about specific moments in the film or key plot points so as not to taint your thoughts or drop spoilers before you see it for yourself, and have a chance to form your own opinion which, if it is unlike mine, will be wrong.
Trust me on this, it has some brilliantly funny moments that you just don't expect, and the characters are played in ridiculous stereotypes. There are some parts which, even though you know you shouldn't, you laugh so much skittles come out your nose. I had a half-bar the entire movie, which was kind of awkward when sitting in between three adolescent men, all of whom would jump at a hard cock like a cheap hooker.

But do you know what? It didn’t matter, because there was not a cock in the cinema that wasn’t at least halfway stiff. Three girls got pregnant during the last fifteen minutes alone, and one old lady died! Shit was so cash! This movie is the perfect film to not take your girlfriend to because, lets face it, she's only going to complain. This is definitely a night out for the boys, or anyone who is easily entertained by bright, flashing lights and needs to wear a bib to catch their dribble.

All in all this movie just eats win and shits perfection. I'd pay to see it again.

So go and see it. Now.